My girls are out of control and I am thinking about calling Nanny 911 or Super Nanny. My girls are selfish and only do things if it benefits them. They don't help me clean unless they can do something or go somewhere. They don't treat each other with respect or me for that matter. I created a chore chart a few years ago and failed at it miserably, I think they were too young. I am ready to create a new one and stick with it and teach these girls there is more to life then just themselves. I do not believe, however, in paying an allowance for chores they should do as part of growing up and becoming young ladies. But, I do think they need to have some visual reward program that they can see where they will get something after a period of time. But, they will also be able to see that with disrespect to those around them they will see those little rewards being taken away as well. I love my girls and I feel like most of the time I am losing the battle with them. It's time. Time for them to learn how to be helpful, loving, and respectful. Time to take control of my house. So I ask, has anyone had any succussful chore charts/rewards that DO NOT include paying them? I am open for any suggestion. Remember these kids are our future! HELP!!!!
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5 years ago
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That is a really hard one. We were going through that with Olivia too. We tried the reward chart, if they did all of their chores and stayed in bed all week then they had their choice of going out to ice cream on Friday night or we would do pizza and a movie night, that worked at first but then that stopped being enough incentive.
What really worked the most for us (and helped put me in check) was not doing any extras for her if she didn't do anything for me. Instead of earning things for being good, we took things away for not being helpful or nice. If her room wasn't picked up before bedtime then she got no story time, if she didn't put her laundry away she got no snack. If it was something bigger than she lost something bigger, like not getting to go to the library to get new books on Saturday morning or not getting to go to a friends to play. I think it helped her realize how much we actually do for her and how many extras she gets. We went through about 6 weeks of only meeting her basic needs and she realized that life really wasn't "not fair" and all about her and after about 3 months the fighting to do things has mostly ended.
Good luck!
Your girls are angels! I can't believe you'd say such things about them!
My kids are obviously much younger, but we have the "no box" at our house that seems to motivate them. If they leave something out after they go to bed, it goes in the "no box". If they want it back, they have to do a job. I know, it still feels like payment. I don't know any other way though. I tried the whole "see, doesn't it feel good when you help each other?" routine, but it didn't go very well. Apparently feeling good isn't enough incentive for my two little monsters, I mean children.
Good luck!
Those kinds of payments are ok, I mean I won't give them cash payments. And Kristi you can come hang out at my house and see what I am talking about. Aren't kids always angels when they aren't at home?
We have that problem with Sydney every now and then. One thing I have done and it is being done now is I took tv privileges away til further notice. No hannah montana, wizards, zach and cody...basically no Disney channel! But this also includes tv in general! Her attitude is bad when it comes to thses shows. So they are gone. Ihave had to find what her values are (from Dr. Phil!). The things she values th emost get taken away from her when she disobeys...blanket, tv, snacks, friends,etc. Ihave even threatened to take awayher bed and she can sleep on the hard floor til her atitude improves. It may sound harsh, but her attitude changes when those things are almost gone.
I also have her do homework every day. I went to Learning Palace and bought some math books and she has to do x amount of pages a day. If she complains, more pages are added to it.
We have had family home evenings about attitude too. For awhile we did a weekly outing with her that could be no more than $10. It was to be with either Tim or I and it was just her...You can do any amount or no amount for that matter. Sometimes it was just the time spent with each other was all she needed. Ithas to be individual time,not with both girls and a parent. It could be as simple as ice cream and chatting or just walking through the store together and talking.
We try these things often and they do work. You just have to be on top of it and keep it up, that's what's hard!
She is always wanting an allowance and I don't see the benefit of me paying her to clean her room or a bathroom or oick up toys or to do the garbages. It doesn't work for us!!
You can assign the girls to do certain chores that are their own chores. Sydney's is garbage/recycling every Tuesday night. If its not done she gets a privilege taken away.
The hardest part like I said is sticking to it. I just keep thinking eventually she will get it...I'm just hoping its sooner rather than later!!
Sorry for the novel! Hope this helps some!!
My Eve is going through this along with Jackson, but with him it's more being in his own little world and not wanting to clean up. With Eve it's personal! I think for mother's it's harder because we expect this great and wonderful relationship and it does NOT always pan out that way. I am really having some problems with Eve and it is so hard to the point of tears and then she sees me cry and it makes her feel bad. I think that structure is what kids need the most and that is what I don't have as much of..being a mother that works out of the home 4 nights a week. It is really tough, but I know a part of it is being summer...It will get better next month. I AM SURE! And if for some reason it doesn't then there is always therapy if it is bad enough. Kids will be kids to a point, but when it is ruining your family and your life that is where I draw the line. Good luck!!
Ahhh Sandy, the age old question. If only these little monkeys came with manuals. #1 priority in my house is teaching my kids character. I know I won't be able to conquer everything I need to as a parent, especially since having to return to working outside the home. But I think you'll find as you emphasize character development those inclinations to be helpful, loving, grateful and generous will develop within them. Just last week Maryn spent a good hour asking what she could do to help me out. She would complete a task and come back and ask for another because helping made her heart happy. Does this mean that my house is clean and that my children are always cheerful and helpful? Yeah right, c'mon we have daughters! They're complicated beings! I am surrounded by an explosion of toys as I sit here and type. Should the girls have picked the toys up before bed? Of course. But it was more important to me at the end of the day for the girls to feel a spirit of love in our home than me turning into a screaming maniac about the toys. I can approach the toys with them tomorrow in a way that won't escalate and get blown out of porportion. The most important thing you will teach your kids is your love. It is free, it is lasting. I do not believe in over indulgence, when children receive a little they become grateful for so much. Make those indulgences surround a memory so that they associate it with something special and they'll recognize how lucky they are. As silly as it is, my kids know on their birthdays they'll get the doughnuts and balloons or pick out a toy. So when we go to the store all year long they don't ask for those things, they talk about how when it's their birthday they know just what they'll pick. They'll get it, not just every day, all the time. Then there is no feeling of deprivation. As positive character traits are emphasized they will learn and grow and that in conjunction with a knowledge of your unending love as their mother will motivate them to do and be better. Most of all, know you are doing the most noble work on Earth. It isn't easy, but it is worth it and you are doing a good job. Remember you weren't put on this Earth to fail. You were put here to learn, grow and make a difference in the lives of those around you. You can do it, girl! Chin up!
P.S. www.goalforit.com has kids chore charts for that visual motivation. You can either choose a monetary rewards system or a reward system centered around priviledges. Check it out!
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