I hate not knowing....

...what the future has in store for us. These last few months have been such a roller coaster. Eric sold his business back in October and has been unemployed since then. We received money from that sale and he just wanted to take time off during the holidays, as he has always worked some kind of retail. He has since been actively trying to find a job since about Christmas time. The economy sucks and I never thought that my own immediate family would ever be affected by it. He has applied to so many jobs, with each potential employer on a hiring freeze. He is currently at a job interview and I pray that he gets it. It's not his career of choice by any means, but I job that has potential growth.

I have been trying to get 2 businesses of my own going and have not done a very good job. It seems like everything I do just leads to a dead end. I hate that, I want to be successful. I have looked for employment outside of the home, but I know I need to remain at home and be the best mommy I can be. I have been dealing with some medical stuff that has been really stressful. Back in Novemeber I started getting a pain in my belly button area and knew it was a hernia I just knew it. Being a mom, I sucked it up and ignored it because I didn't want or have the time for another surgery. Well basic tasks became painful and I sucked it up and went to the dr, had a ct scan and had it confirmed that indeed it was a hernia and I needed surgery to have it removed. I met with the suregeon who informed me that he couldn't remove the hernia quite yet because the scan showed that there was something wrong with my right kidney. Well, not the kidney itself, but the tube that drains from the kidney. He said I needed to have a full work up with a urolgist before he would remove the hernia. He said it would be about a month before I would get in with the urologist and then sent me on my way. Well, the urologist office called me 2 days later and had an opening the very next day. The urologist then ordered more xrays which consisted of a not so nice 3 day special diet. Let's just say 20 ounces of liquid laxatives were involved. Enough said. Had the xrays and didn't hear anything so I called and of course the dr hadn't seen them yet. So finally the dr called me yesterday. He said that the tube is definately not normal that there is something in it that is preventing it from draining properly. The xrays did not show exactly what it is, but it could be a stone, a blood clot, or possibly a vein that just runs through it. So now I am set to have surgery next week. He is going to go through the bladder inject some dye, take more pictures and then take care of whatever is going on. Then once all this is done I can have the hernia removed. I am overwhelmed knowing that I have 2 surgeries in my very near future. I just want to get them over with and get on with my life.

As I sit I am mentally going over my to do list which includes deep cleaning my house. But I can't really start that because I am out of cleaning supplies and paper towels and remember my husband has the car. So that must wait. I need to go grocery shopping for my Scentsy party. My party that I am stressing about because I am afraid that nobody will come. That's just the luck I have had. I think about how stressful my life might be right now and scared of the unknowns, but I am trying to stay positive. Although I do feel like I am at my breaking point I realize my life isn't that bad and there are people out there that have it a lot worse than I do.